If there were a hotline we could call and speak with the weather controlling fairies or saints, my conversation would go something like this…
Hotline: This is the 101-Weather Hotline, how may I assist you?
Me: Hi my name is Juliana and I was wondering how I could request rain on Wednesday.
Hotline: I will transfer your call. Please hold.
Hotline: This is the weather request department, how may I help you?
Me: Hi, my name is Juliana and I really need it to rain on Wednesday.
Hotline: Where are you located?
Me: Munich, Germany.
Hotline: What do you need the rain for? Draught? Famine? Forest Fire?
Me: A film re-shoot…
Hotline: A film?
Me: Well you see when we shot it back in April we got rain, sun and snow, so now we have a continuity problem.
Hotline: A what problem? Loss of property or damage? Loss of a loved one?
Me: Well when you put it that way it’s not an actual problem; it’s more like an unfortunate incident.
Hotline: In Munich, Germany? I thought they made films in Hollywood.
Me: They do it all over the world nowadays.
Hotline: What kind of rain would you like to order?
Me: I don’t know… not too much otherwise it looks terrible, but definitely cloudy.
Hotline: So would you like it just cloudy?
Me: A bit of drizzle here and there would be good so we get the floors wet.
Hotline: At what intervals?
Me: Excuse me?
Hotline: How many times, how long, and at what intervals?
Me: I don’t know. Ok, never mind, let’s just keep the clouds.
Hotline: Cloudy at what rain percentage?
Hotline: one? Did you say one?
Me: I don’t know.
Hotline: That makes no sense, M’am.
Me: I didn’t really ask for any percentage at all
Hotline: Well than we can do partly cloudy.
Me: Ok, how about mostly cloudy?
Hotline: With what percentage of rain?
Me: Ok. Partly cloudy is great.
Hotline: How long?
Me: All day?
Hotline: How will you pay? We accept all major credit cards, personal checks and money order.
Me: Pay? I wasn’t aware I would have to pay for nature…
Hotline: You called a hotline, how do you think I make my salary?
Me: I thought a hotline was set up to help people…
Hotline: How will you pay?
Me: Well, you see we are working on a high production value, but low- well actually no-budget film. Would you be interested in supporting our film? We can put your hotline logo on our Blog, Facebook Page, Red Carpet at the premiere, etc, in exchange for partly cloudy this Wednesday…
… Tum Tum Tum…
… And then I would just hope for cloudy on Wednesday…